Care
This morning at 8:25am the Moon was New. I honestly don’t know if I have ever posted this close to the moment. I wouldn’t call this the start of a trend, but maybe the reaffirmation of an intention.
For the past cycle I studied the property of Fortitude and examined how I bring it to my life. I spoke of it in terms of standing up and claiming what serves my greatest good. I also spoke about how the resolute advocacy brought by Fortitude can be disconcerting to those who might not be expecting it from me, or may not be manifesting it in themselves.
My journey with Fortitude began as I was moving through the gallbladder surgery and healing. While I noted in the last post that it began with my sister calling me “brave”, I’ve found that it started earlier than that. While I was in the hospital I was a collaborator in my Care plan. Every day during rounds I had questions for my doctors and they either had answers, or quickly provided them. I was part of my Care team.
But it was more than that.
When I was young, I was certainly ‘provided for’. I was sustained. And I can look back on times when I knew that I was loved. But being Cared for felt alien to me. When I was in the hospital, I felt a deep level of Care. Yes – much of it was professionally driven, but spend 21 days and nights with the same team of people, and the bonds transcended professionalism. Maybe not friends, but there was a level of Care that was more than casual.
This has been evident with every interaction I have had with my Care team since my discharge on July 29. My video calls with my infectious diseases doctor, my MyChart notes with my nurses, and my in-person follow-up with my primary surgeon in August. I was more than ‘a slab of meat for the hospital and staff to coalesce back into a whole’ – I was Sean. To call forward Rev. Jesse Jackson, I was “somebody”.
I was back in the hospital yesterday for an outpatient procedure to remove the stent in my bile duct. When my doctor came to see me, she remembered my face from our last procedure in July, and commented on how much better I looked. It was good to see a friendly face.
But the real moment came in the recovery room after the procedure. As I was floating back to consciousness, I saw a familiar face move through the door and over to my bed. It was my assisting surgeon – the one who came to my hospital room every weekday for three weeks, the one who knew first hand (especially since his hand held what was left of my gallbladder) the road I’d been on.
The road he and I had both been on.
It was the look on his face, the joy at seeing how far healing had brought me, that showed me just how bad things were in July. There was a sense of victory shared between us in those few minutes – like we had won a war together. And as we parted, I knew that as much in that moment as in July, I was Cared for.
So the focus for this cycle is Care. I want to appreciate how much Care I receive from all corners of my life, but I also want to be mindful of moments where I can express Care without being asked. I also still want to understand that amidst all of this, it is important for me to Care for myself.
The title of the companion song says it all – but the first verse called me to it:
Been beat up and battered around\
Been sent up, and I’ve been shot down\
You’re the best thing that I’ve ever found\
Handle me with care\
May we all find the Care that we need – or recognize when we already have it.
Categories: New Moon
Comments Off on Care
